1996 The Lost Episodes

1996 The Lost Episodes
"The Blackouts"
So, uh, I'd just like to tell you about a little incident at Shrine Auditorium. Uh, well, see we made this scene down there, we walked in, and this, this place is big, y'know, real big, y'know? An' everybody was gonna be there. Louis Armstrong and his boys were gonna be there, (Titans) an' the Titans, (and the Velvetones too) and the Velvetones, and the Blackouts, so let me, let me tell you about this
We made the scene (good to ... ). The Velvetones think they're Lawrence Welk.
"Lost In A Whirlpool"
Well, I'm lost in a whirlpool
Yeah, baby, my head is goin' round
Well, ever since my baby flushed me
Oh, been goin' round, yeah round and around
Well, I'm lost in this whirlpool
I keep goin' down and down
There's a big brown fish
Lookin' at me
He ain't got no eyes
How could that motherfucker possibly see
Ooh, baby baby
I'm gonna be afraid it'd gonna touch me
Well I'm lost in this whirlpool
Oh, I can't even see
Baby, won't you come help me
Pour some drainer down,
And get the plunger right after me
I'll let you know a little secret, baby
I'm gettin' tired of all this pee
Don't go stranded, mother goose
Ooh, my head's in a noose . . .
"Ronnie Sings?"
[FZ:] What key do you wanna do it in?
[Ronnie:] Try maybe, uh, D Flat. Or do it in C, do it in C! Alright, do it, do it slop. Do-do-dat-dat, do-do . . . SNORK . . . Yeah, that's pretty good.
Ba-ba-ba-Bump,
Ba-ba-ba-Bah-bahdily-bum-bum-bow.
Bo-do-do-diddly-dow,
Bung-bow-do-bom-bom.
Bo-do-dung-dow-dodee-do-do-do-do-do
Dodn-do-do-dodn-dodn-dodn-dada
Doo-doo-da-da,
Dadn-dadn-da-da
Da-dadl-da-da-da
Dadn-diddly-dadn-diddly-dung
De-dong-bong-bom-de-diddly dung dung
Ba-badn-boooo,
Rum-pum-badn-rum-pum-bung-bung-bung
"Kenny's Booger Story"
[Kenny:] Afore of it, wh-while I was away in boarding school lived with Ronnie by the name of Dwight uh, Bement. Uh, used to live there with Ronnie an' they would uh, instead of blowing their nose on a handkerchief they would, uh, stick their finger up in their nose and uh, pull out all their boogers an' smear 'em on the window. Uh, I don't know, I always thought it was crazy, an' it didn't look good, an' after a while, I mean you couldn't see out the window! He-hunh!
[FZ:] Did you ever do that?
[Kenny:] Uh, I may have added one or two on there, yeah.
"Ronnie's Booger Story"
[Ronnie:] We lived in a little room, man. It was, it was probably a fourth as big as, as your livin' room, Frank [cough]. And uh, everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh, or wipe it there if we couldn't flip it there, y'know. And uh, I guess Dwight stayed with me for about . . . 'bout seven months, wasn't it? Six months? And uh, every night we'd contribute, y'know, two or three or four boogers, y'know. And when he left uh, my mom knew what was goin' on all the time but we thought we had her hoodwinked. Heh-heh. She was smarter with, than we, than what we were. An' she made us clean 'em off, y'know? We used Ajax and, and we couldn't get them things, we had to use a, had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. You couldn't even see out the winduh with all them boogers, man. I'm not kiddin' you [sniff]. An' there was big ones too, an' there was little, and there was some goober ones that weren't even hard, man, you'd just smear 'em, young ones. It's like fro-, you, you've seen frosted glasses. That winduh was just like a frosted glass with spots all over it, y'know? And uh, [sniff] it was, it was no good. Although, th-that, that was the good ol' days, so . . .
"Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt"
[FZ:] The next piece that we're going to play . . . Maybe I should tell you what we were doing . . . The, the signals that we are giving, I'll explain to you very simply: This means 'free improvisation' and finger signals told the performers which of the fragments they were to uh, play at any given moment. Anyway, the next piece that we're going to play is in standard notation, and it's actually pretty tame compared to the other five. It's called "The Collage Two," and it was written last Thursday.
"Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance"
There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free . . .
TO SING & DANCE & LOVE
There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil . . .
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE
Who cares if hair is long or short
Or sprayed or partly grayed . . .
WE KNOW THAT HAIR AIN'T WHERE IT'S AT
(there will come a time when you won't even be ashamed if you are fat!)
WAH WAH-WAH WAH
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (a-a-ah!)
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la (oo-wee-ooh!)
Diddle-diddle-dee
(Diddle-diddle-dee)
Diddle-diddle-dee
(Diddle-diddle-dee)
Diddle-diddle-dee
(Diddle-diddle-dee)
Diddle-diddle-dee
(Diddle-diddle-dee)
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la
WAH WAH-WAH WAH
There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free . . .
TO SING & DANCE & LOVE (dance and love)
There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil . . .
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE (rise above)
Who cares if you're so poor you can't afford
To buy a pair of Mod A Go-Go stretch-elastic pants . . .
THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOU CAN EVEN
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN YOU DANCE
"Tiger Roach"
This album is not available to the public.
Even if it were, you wouldn't wanna listen to it!
Iron Man!
That's fine!
Tiger spine!
Work out!
Monza blocks!
Light switch!
Roaches' smocks!
Ice cream!
What a dream!
Memories of
Flyin' machines!
Green Lantern!
Funny lizard!
Three-way!
Out'sight!
Buddy learns!
See Spot run!
Work out!
Have some fun!
Yeah . . .
Wilhelmina!
Mildew!
Billboard!
Night light!
Hammerhead!
Outta sight!
In Baghdad
Roaches fly!
Outta sight!
'Cross the grassy sky!
Anvils fly!
Mountains burp!
Turpentine!
Tina werp
Lord gosh!
Oooh . . .
Rush eye
What's that noise?
Looks like greeny!
Maybe it's purple
Spot eye!
Hammer law
Bend iron!
So fine
Tiger Roach!
"Fountain Of Love"
[includes a quote from Rite Of Spring (Stravinsky)]
Fountain . . . of . . . love!
One . . . two . . .
It was September, the leaves were gold
That's when our hearts knew that story untold
We were young lovers
(We were young lovers)
Strolling near
The fountain of love
Fountain of love
Fountain of love
(Fountain of love)
Fountain of love
Do you remember, I held you so near
Our love's glowing ember so precious and dear
We were young lovers
(Lovers)
Strolling near
The fountain of love
Fountain of love
Fountain of love
(Fountain of love)
Fountain of love
We made a wish
(Lo-o-o-o-ove)
And threw in a coin
And since that day
(Lo-o-ove)
Our hearts have been joined
So all you young lovers
(Lo-o-o-o-ove)
Wherever you are
The fountain of love is not very far
We'll go on dreaming of that golden day
And remember the fountain is not far away
We were young lovers
(Lo-o-o-overs)
Strolling near
The fountain of love
Fountain of love
Fountain of love
Fountain of love
[Spoken]
(Lo-o-ove)
We made a wish and threw in a coin
(Lo-o-ove)
And since that day, our hearts have been joined
(Lo-o-ove)
So all you young lovers wherever you are
The fountain of love is not very far
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo (wee-oo)
Fountain of love . . .
"Anyway The Wind Blows"
Any way the wind blows is-a fine with me
Any way the wind blows, it don't matter to me
'Cause I'm thru with-a fussin' and-a fightin' with-a you
I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
She's my heart and soul and she loves me tenderly
Now my story can't be told just how good she is to me
Yes, she treats me like she loves me and she never makes me cry
I'm gonna stick with her 'till the day I die
She's not like you baby, she would never ever lie
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
Now that I am free from the troubles of the past
Took me much too long to see that our romance couldn't last
I'm gonna go away and leave you standing at the door
I'll tell you pretty baby I won't be back no more
'Cause you don't even know what love is for
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
"Charva"
Charva, I loved you
I loved you through and through
I loved you since in grammar school
When we were sniffing glue
I loved you purty baby doll
And I don't know what in the world to do about it
Boppa-bah-boppa-choo-wah
Charva, my darling
The only love I had
I hope you will forgive me, dear
For punching out your dad
I loved you, I loved you
And I don't know what in the world I'm gonna do about it
Ooohh-oh-oooh
Lahm-buh-buhm-buhm
I remember, remember the junior prom
And I remember the time I broke your father's arm
And I remember, remember all the love we shared
Every place and everywhere
Oh Charva, Charva
I love you more and more
I swear it ain't because your father owns a liquor store
Charva, my baby
I love you and I don't know what to do about it
Oh-oh Charva
Ooooohh oh-oh Charva
Ooooohh, come back my little darling Charva
I love you so much, honey
Come back to me, Charva
Please Charva, please come back to me
I miss you so much
"The Dick Kunc Story"
[Dick:] I started out in Florida uh, producing a record at a studio, and I got friendly with the engineer, and got interested in engineering. Next thing I knew, I was listening to an album called Freak Out! by the Mothers Of Invention. I became very interested in their concept of music, their concept of, of uh, society in general, and their concept of humor, which I thought was very good, and I enjoyed it, because uh, they were saying a lotta, a lotta whole bunch of stuff that I wanted to say and I agreed with and thought was true. Then one day I decided, "I'll move to New York, because it's, the air is clean, and the people are friendly, and everybody's in love." So I went to New York, and I got this job at this incredible twelve track studio. Well, I didn't know from twelve track, I thought four track was really hot stuff. So I went in there and they said, "Here's the board. Learn it." He go, "Your first client's coming in in five minutes." Well, my first client was Frank Zappa.
"Cops & Buns"
[Apostolic Studios, NYC
October, 1967-February, 1968]
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Now, we don't come up here because we feel like walkin' four flights at three o'clock in the morning.
[FZ:] Yeah.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] We were up here last night. Now for us . . .
[FZ:] Last night?
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Yes.
[FZ:] I wasn't here last night.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] For us to continually come up to this here place every night and not show no action other than to say, yes a corrective indictment . . .
[Guy #1:] Oh, sure this is ridiculous.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] We look kinda bad. I mean, let's be honest. Now if you had to give me any kinda reccomendation, or mark my word, you'll say, "Who the hell's kiddin' who? This guy's a mistake, every night, 3 to 4, 2 to 4, betwen those hours you guys are at 53 E 10 st, what are you doin' there every night? You mean you, you permit this condition to continue on without once giving a summons?" Alright, your lawyer said to knock it off! Uh, we're puttin' ourselves over backwards with these people. Do you know what we're doin'? Do you know what we're doin'?
[FZ:] No, tell me. Please tell me.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Alright. Well this is, if we're up here once we're up here twenty times. I know that little guy, like a, like the guy at the, like a long-lost brother. Now if we ever get called down, if this ever goes to a big explosion, and they say, "Officer, what did you do, did you issue summonses?" They get, this is all in the rekkid book, how many times we've been up here. This is all rekkids.
[FZ:] M-hmm.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Now if these people wanna subpoena these rekkids, they can subpoena these rekkids. An' they can find out how many times we've been. This is us on, wait! This is us alone! An' they say, "Officer, what did you do? Warn 'em? You mean to tell me you were up here about twenty times an you never issued a summons?"
[Guy #1:] There have been summonses.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Well, WE never issued em! How many summonses have you gotten for noise?
[Guy In Charge:] What, me personally, or the studio?
[Patrolman Lefemine:] The studio! The studio.
[Guy In Charge:] I don't know how many, but there's a court case pending right now . . .
[Guy #1:] We've gotten one.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] ONE! ONE! And how many times have I, eh, uh, hey listen! As I say, if I've been up here once I've been up here twenty times already.
[FZ:] Hey look, stop it, pack that stuff up, stop making NOISE you guys!
[Guy In Charge:] Yeah, well, I understand, he didn't know . . .
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Well, who's in charge here at the studio?
[Guy #1:] Here he is.
[Guy In Charge:] In charge?
[Patrolman Lefemine:] IN charge
[Guy #1:] He's more or less in charge
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Are you in charge?
[Guy In Charge:] I don't run the studio, I just . . .
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Alright, listen, lemme tell you one thing . . .
[Guy In Charge:] I'm in, I'm in charge
[Patrolman Lefemine:] You're in charge at this point
[Guy In Charge:] Right.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] My name is Patrolman Lefemine
[FZ:] Here, have a BUN.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Now, as of tonight . . .
[Guy In Charge:] Right.
[FZ:] You want a BUN?
[Patrolman Lefemine:] If I come back here, and every night that I do come back here, I don't care who says he's in charge, I will issue a summons.
[Guy #1:] I'm issuing you a bun
[Patrolman Lefemine:] An' anybody thinks it's a great joke, you can all laugh in the court.
[Guy #1:] Yeah, I issue it.
[Guy In Charge:] But, uh . . .
[Patrolman Lefemine:] You guys ain't got one hit record by now, my goodness.
[Guy In Charge:] We have, we have to . . .
[Guy #1:] It takes a long time.
[Patrolman Lefemine:] You know what I mean. This is ridiculous!
[FZ:] Are you sure you don't want one of those breakfast rolls on your way down the stairs?
[Guy In Charge:] Yeah . . .
[Patrolman Lefemine:] You better believe that I don't want nuthin'
[Guy In Charge:] Who gets, who gets the summonses, is the, the organization?
[Patrolman Lefemine:] Whoever it is in charge at the time. He could say Joe Blow, I don't care what kind of a name he gives me. Then if the courts decide, if they wanna know who he's takin' orders from, they'll summons that person to court. That's all there is to it.
[Guy #1:] Alright. Take care.
[Guy In Charge:] Right.
[Guy #1:] Okay.
[FZ:] Nighty-night!
"I'm A Band Leader"
[Don Van Vliet vocals]
I'm a band leader. Not only can I drink a whole lot, but I play 23 different instruments too and I don't even know how to read music. Self-taught, you know. Couldn't tell it, though, to hear me play. When I play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that I know all the girls for five miles around get hot pants for me, hotcha!
Last night was pretty good for a Wednesday. We got ten requests for, we got "Bill Bailey," and we played them all and we got seven people came up for the twist contest. I gave away a box with two small bottles of champagne imported from Europe, heh, and kissed the girl who won and shook hands with the guy she was with. He didn't mind when I kissed her because I'm important.
We have a new routine. Been working on it for three weeks or more. I pretend I'm a queer and the sax player pretends he's a queer, too, and later on in the show -this'll kill ya-, we kiss each other so that it looks to the audience like we kiss each other on the mouth, heh. When we go . . . into a fast number, GOD, the people love it! Wait till we get to Las Vegas!
(Ha-heh-heh)
"Alley Cat"
You may find me, baby
Yeah, this street
With my slippery fists
Knock it like this 'n
Knock it like that
With my heart in a cage
Tucked up under my hat
Fluttering like a little black bird, yeah
Just seen his furs, pussycat
Got my umbrella up in front, yeah
'N over my head
Ready to beat you, baby,
If ya don't let me in
Cuz it's raining
Cuz it's raining, baby outside
Well I'm tired and cold and hungry
Been knocked like this an'
Knocked like that
Don't you see that bad backyard
Alley cat
I want dis little pussy
Baby wants some o' dis
And some o' dat
Don't treat me, baby, like your
Any old Alley Cat
Alley Cat, Alley Cat
Alley Cat
Don't treat me, baby, like your
Any old Alley Cat
"Wonderful Wino"
L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought me some wine
Oh, I drank it down under the table
I said: "Watch me now, I'm gonna eat the label!"
Well I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?
36, 24, hips about 30
I seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty
Boy, she looked over at me and she raised the thumb
She said: "Jam down the road, you fun-ba-bum-bum"
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?
I went to the country
And while I was gone
I lost control of my body functions
On a roller-headed lady's front lawn
I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
I can't help myself
I've been drinkin' all night till my eyes got red
Stumbled on the gutter and busted my head
Bugs in my zoot suit, been scratchin' like a dog
I can't stand no water, and I stink like a hog
Give me a five dollar bill
And an overcoat too
Give me a five dollar bill
And an overcoat too
A five dollar bill and an overcoat too
A five dollar bill and a Florsheim shoe
"Inca Roads"
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different
[George:] So white, Don, I have never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
[Napoleon:] Whose python boot is that? Hey, rush it! What?
[FZ:] Why don't you sharpen it then?
[George:] It was round . . . bold . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . What's that white thing doin' up there?
[Napoleon:] You whose? Hush! Wait a minute!
[FZ:] Mother Mary and Jozuf!
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
(PARK IT . . . PARK IT)
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth
"I Don't Wanna Get Drafted"
Hello! Anybody home?
Special Delivery.
(Oh no . . . )
Registered Mail. You're gonna have to sign for this buddy.
(Oh no . . . )
Come on, I know you're in there.
(Oh no . . . )
I don't wanna get drafted. I don't want to go
I don't wanna get drafted.
I don't wanna get drafted. I don't want to go
I don't wanna get drafted
No-no-no.
Roller skates and disco is a lot of fun
I'm too young and stupid to operate a gun.
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted.
My-ay-ay sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted.
My-ay-ay sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
Woh-oh-woh-oh-woh.
Wars are really ugly, they're dirty and they're cold.
I don't want nobody to shoot her in the foxhole . . . foxhole.
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted.
Wars are really ugly, they're dirty and they're cold
I don't want nobody to shoot me in the foxhole . . . foxhole.
Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole.
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole.
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole.
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole.
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Shot in the foxhole . . . shot in the foxhole . . .
Aiieeeeeeeee . . . Shot in the foxhole . . .
"Sharleena"
I'm cryin'
I'm cryin'
Cryin' for Sharleena,
Can't you see
I called up all my baby's friends
'N ask'n urn
Where she done went
But nobody 'round here seems to know
Where my Sharleena's been
Where my Sharleena's been
Ten long years I have been lovin' her
Ten long years
And I thought deep down in my heart
She was mine
Ten long years I been lovin' her
Ten long years
I would call her my baby, and now,
I'm always cryin'
I would be so delighted
I.would be so delighted
If they would just
Send her on home to me